Write the Vision....

Today I was asked the question.. "What would you like to do with your nursing degree?"

     I thought i'd always known :) I thought well surely God is calling me to medical missions, but the only thing that came out of my mouth was "Well, I really don't know if this is what the Lord desires, but I would like to go and plant free clinics in other nations.." Someone told me after that "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called"

   I have been sitting here and thinking what that truly means :) So this is how I see it!
God will not move me into my destiny because I have the credentials for a certain thing or because I have already attained the tools to be best suit for a particular job. But before the foundation of the world, God has been equipping me to be what He desires. But what is my number one calling!

   My number one purpose and desire is to live for the Lord. To praise you God, not because you have given me the worlds best, but because you saved me from the depths of Hell. I praise you because you died on the Cross for my life to be a representation of your mission. So what is my calling? To Love you and my neighbor!

Lord, however you desire to use me, I am willing! I know your will is perfect, and I know you haven't allowed me to go through 4 years of nursing school just to pass time! I know you are equipping me to be your hands in the nursing field. Where? I have no idea? When? I don't know! And I will wait! But that's the fun part.... having to wait on you hand and feet, knowing that it's already settled!

Have your way God! You lead us on a straight path of righteousness for your name sake!

The Church!

Somehow over the years, I think I have grown a bit of bitter taste within my stomach at the thought of a collective body within 4 walls. Somewhere along the line, I began to judge everything we were not doing for the kingdom rather than giving credit for the ministries that God has started and my church has been obedient with!

     I have repented of this and the Lord has allowed me to see that One church cannot do everything, but the Institute, the collective universal church, the Body of Christ can do everything unto God, with the help of Christ.

    Lord, I thank you for taking out that spirit of judgement against your people! I love you and Honor you and know that you have called us all to do you work, the work you have prepared, ahead of time, for us to do! My prayer now is that you will begin or continue to show me, what my role is in serving the unsaved. Because individually, as we walk out of the church, we represent you! The walking church within us!

What does it mean....

... to be the clay? What does it look like to be molded into such a masterpiece? Unrecognizable, distinguished? Set apart for it's eternal use!

I realize that I am the Clay! Being shaped and molded and squeezed in uncomfortable places....
Lord, you are in so many ways showing me that the structure you are articulating, whether that be a glass, a cup or a vase, still has imperfections. One big bump of pride, 2 small bumps for sarcasm. 3 clumps of insecurity :) Father, I trust you with my entire being. I love you and I know that your hands are here to comfort me....

Though it is very uncomfortable right now... though I am struggling.... though I get a bit impatient I will wait! I have seen what you have done, how you are brought beauty from a lump of mud.... I have seen this in others so I know that you are able to transform my lump of confusion! As long as I am in the crevice of every single one of your fingers :) Have your way father!

3 Areas you are kneading out now
1. Insecurities
2. Sarcasm
3. A works for salvation attitude
4. Jealousy

I am the clay, you are the potter... we are All the work of your hands~ Isaiah 64:8


I Just want to make you happy...

and to my shock, God's response is always "Just Praise Me!"
"Praise me with all your hopes and dreams
Your wishes and your love
Your words from above
Your time and your care!~ 

Tish I know you are busy!!!
I know all about your personality

But just leave some room for me!

I only need a minute, 
That I may pour my love on you!
Just your close your eyes and be silent!
Let me remind you that I am true
And I'm all you need...
I can fulfill your every desire
I can meet all your needs
JUST love me and I promise
That I can be....

I am that I am 
Your life and your way
I love you all the same
Even when you fall down
Even when don't look my way
Just know that I'm waiting
I am waiting
Just to see you wake up in the morning
To see you breathe my breath
To see you happy
To hear your heart

Please Tish I love you and I want to give you everything I am 
But you must seek me and when you seek me.
You will find me... I am waiting
So come and Rest"~ God


...trust in horses, and others in chariots but we trust in the name of the Lord!~~~ How to make it personal? Some trust in governmental aid or their parents financial stability, but my hope is in the creator of it ALL.

Trust! Trust is one of those choices that the Lord has truly carried me a long way in... I remember a time of not trusting anyone or anything. I always felt there was an ulterior motive, but God has brought me to the point of trusting others, not as I trust Him, but as I trust that God will protect and keep me in every situation.

But sometimes the question still comes to me! Lord, you have truly blessed me financially, physically and spiritually and not just a little but abundantly. I have never had to worry that I would be homeless or that I would go without a meal because you have adopted me into your expanse of everything... but that can also be my weakness. Lord, I feel so often that I don't make the conscious effort to trust you. Does that make sense? I just know that you will always provide, whether through people or through the government... which ever route you choose, you always meet my every need! Thank you... but so often I forget to thank you for every small blessing!

Thank you for...

  • Waking me up
  • For allowing me to have had 3 solid meals and a snack
  • For a cell phone, a computer... and every other thing I have that isn't a necessity
  • Thank you for friendships
  • Thank you for a Best friend
  • Thank you for not taking your Grace away from you
  • For loving me so much that you remind me to be thankful
  • For giving me a family that can't support me financially, physically and in many ways spiritually, because it causes me to fall back and rely solely on you
  • For giving me 22 years
  • For the Spirit of Thanksgiving
Lord, I am thankful for your hands that play every single role in my life!
 "A horse is a vain hope for deliverance, despite it's strength, it cannot SAVE"... Psalm 33:17
It ALL started with your Salvation!

Lord, I love meeting you....

...on Saturday mornings. The days that I am able to truly come to you; without a time limit or distractions! And it never fails that you meet me... and reveal to me your heart!

Father, it had been a weird few days as you know. But today, Saturday  after praying daily that you would search my heart and reveal to me any offensive way towards you, that's exactly what I did! These are the things that you have shown me!

1. If I publicly sin, I must publicly repent. Last night I lied to someone. In my mind I repented and after during my prayer I repented but it just wouldn't go away. I thought it was the condemnation of satan, but I soon realized it was your very voice. Thank you Jesus! It makes me so happy that you are continuously giving me a spirit of discernment....

But why did I lie?
I still struggle with a Pride or need to appear Holy before others. Holier than thou! Why? Because I am not completely happy with my relationship with Christ... I want more but haven't been willing to go deeper. I was challenged last night regarding the difference between 'reading' and 'studying' God's word. I give excuses for why I can't just dwell in the presence of God. Thank you Holy Ghost for revealing this to me...

2. Who is on the throne? You have shown me.... that I keep removing you from the High seat and replacing myself. Forgive me Lord. Show me how to change. I daily pray that I may decrease that you may increase, but I so often take the wheel. Lead me father! I want to come into a posture of bowing down beside your throne. Not standing or inching up. I don't want to share it with you :) I want and desire that you would be the reign-er over my life.... but I find that its so easy for me to make the switch. Teach me Lord, I will follow.

3. Lord, once a few years back I asked you to show me how to love you. To unconditionally love you :) And this I do. You have shown me how and I have imitated by watching you! But Lord, I don't know if I have ever made the decision to be 'CONTENT' with you? Yesterday the question was asked... "If everything you have and everyone you loved was taken away tomorrow, would you be content with just Jesus"... It took me a while to say yes. But even then, I wasn't even sure. My whole praise unto you stems from your blessings upon my life. The evident blessings of family, shelter, food, school, friendship and etc..If all of that was gone tomorrow, I think I would be lost.
Lord, my desire is that you would continue to fill me with You and you alone. That I wouldn't ever have to look any other place to bring Happiness... Help me to be content, but more than happy, with just YOU! You---- The God of Everything! Every emotion!
                                                            Gracious Father,
 I choose YOU! Daily, my desire is to fall more in love with you. You are my King, my husband  my Best Friend. I will never leave you nor forsake you Jesus! I am here for a lifetime... but my desire is that my roots would grow deeper and deeper and drink in your living water. I don't want to taste the stagnant creek, but your refreshing stream! 

Yes Lord!

Lord you spoke on 11.12.2012 in Chapel service. I give you all the glory and honor! My prayer is that someone would have come into a deeper relationship with you!!!! My answer to you is still yes. Whatever it may be.... Even beyond my fear, I choose to be obedient! Yes father, I will go ;) but not without you!

If I could...

... be anywhere in the world right now, where would I be?

I think I would be in Mexico :) Maybe Africa. Maybe Texas...Lord, please help me to not be so restless. Sometimes, I just feel like I need a change of environment. I am so happy thanksgiving break is coming up! Please help me stay content, and connected :)

What I would love would be to get away with you! Away from the crown, just you and I. Come on, lets go! You can drive :)

You really never...

....You really never realize how far and good God has been to you until you see people still stuck in the bondage you once were.
         Tonight we had an event called "Stella's Voice" that spoke about orphans in Moldova. Wow... how heart wrenching and real and authentic. There is a need. I practically sat there in the midst of crying and wanting to rejoice at the thought of what Christ is able to do if they surrender. I too was once an orphan. Weren't we all. Separated from Christ. But I too, as the girls did, came from a broken home... but seeing their stories is humbling. God, you protected me from so much. I could have been born there, and gone through their orphanage systems instead of the American foster care system.

What do I feel you are placing on my heart?
          Tish, you are called to be an advocate for all the orphans of the world. To minister to their needs. The very ones that I met for you, before you even surrendered to me. You know what it feels like to feel unloved. unwanted and untouchable. SPEAK what I lead you to speak.

Lord, however you desire to use me, my answer is yes!


It's been a few days, but with the help of the Holy Spirit I have kept strong! My reading tonight was quite interesting :)

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble
Those who know your name will trust in you
for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
Psalm 9
God is faithful and I believe sometimes I forget that all He, Christ, desires is that we would turn our face to Him every once in a while. Daily, I have to remind myself that I can't do this on my own. That everything that I have is of Him... and none of my own doing.

Lord... I pray that you would daily humble me!

Thank you Father...

Lord I worship you and Honor the very Truth of who you are. You have shared with me the filthy truth about myself. I AM JUDGEMENTAL.
   After reading a devotional today, called SheReads, you revealed to me that I constantly judge others relationship with you. And at the same time, I glory in the fact that my personal walk with you is 'better' or more 'advanced' than theirs. How could I ever think such a thought like that? Because my righteousness if like Filthy Rags. Because without you, my walk is just that, a walk.

    Lord, I have been trying to Sanctify my own self. Help me Jesus. Please Help me change this mindset that I have to perform to keep you happy. I just want to show you how thankful I am that you would save me. But you are currently saying "Tish STOP! Let go. Let me Sanctify you. You can never clean yourself up enough to be good for me. Aside for my Spirit, you are just cleaning the outside of a filthy cup. Move aside so that I may get the inside--- only my hands will fit!

   Lord, to be reprimanded by you hurts but feels so pleasing also. I know that you have revealed this to me, so that you may deliver me. Father please teach me to walk uprught before you... not in doing works. Choosing not to do certain things doesn't make me sanctified, but it's understanding the principle behind it. I understand God. I am going to take down all of my rules, and choose to just be led by your spirit :) You Lead me beside still waters! Lord, you know I have never been the best at following .... But I will trust :)

"Surrender everything to me dear Daughter"
1. Your hands
2. Your perceived thoughts of what I want 
(Surprisingly, it's not Sacrifice)
3. Your thoughts of others
4. Your desire to be intimate with me
5. Your desire to be whole

   Lord, thank you for giving my soul rest! I desire to daily wait and listen :) My Love, My love..... I love your presence!

Today in Christian Beliefs Class..

...our teacher gave us a list of principles that keep us directly in right standing with God! DO we follow them because Christ said so? In the beginning yes! But then He begins to explain the reasoning behind them.... that we may be like Him more and more in every way! They are no longer just rules, but insights that are a joy to live life by! Thank you Lord for this invitation :)

Obey revealed law of God (The Ten Commandments)
Should always act in Love
Have a proper set of priorities (Love the Lord thy God and my neighbor)
Family is top priority
My body is Gods temple
Must not place myself in temptation (Stay away from where sin is being practiced)
Must not place others in temptation
Graph of my life must be upward (Should constantly be moving higher in the Lord)
Good steward of time, talents and money (Should be used wisely)
Holy Spirit and I should always be in control- Abstain from doing things that relinquish my control
Sex is Holy within marriage and that alone
Don’t start what I shouldn’t complete
Guard what I store in my mind
Be like Jesus- My example
Listen to the conscience of the church
I am responsible for my witness
Must not cause others to stumble- Paul- Follow me as I follow Christ!
Avoid entertainment that dishonors God
I should not find pleasure in others’ sins
Be a peacemaker
Fulfill responsibilities; (not my rights)
I exist in community
Build others up
Modesty in behavior and appearance
Life is Holy and Sacred
Jesus is Lord
Committed to mutual submission
My goal is Holiness- To be righteous and Holy as Christ is..

Discipline looks different...

...for everyone, what would it look like for me? Lord, please reveal what your discipline and self-control would exemplify?

New Priorities/New Disciplines/New Choice

  • Shower every morning and night
  • Clean room before exiting (includes making bed)
  • Put clothes out night before
  • Pack backpack night before
  • Wake up and spend time with Christ
  • Before I go to bed spend time with Christ
  • Everything will be done at a time when my Quality level is sufficient

I have learned that I am a person who needs discipline. Without it I become a lazy, compromising Christian and I can't do that to my father! Who gave His life, everything thing He had for my salvation. I did nothing to deserve it... but yet while I was still a sinner Christ died for me. Time for a Self-Spirit led Discipline!

BOOT CAMP here I come!
Day 1 starting tomorrow on 11/2/2012


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