52 Weeks!

LORD!!!!! It's been 52 weeks, 365-ish days :) My desire was to read through all of my posts that I have written within the year of 2012, but as I was reading, my Spirit began to take over and my tears began to overflow.... and I honestly feel like I could shout HALLELUJAH all over this place...

JESUS JESUS JESUS! I know who you are! I have met with you... you have met with me! We have become one and this year has been amazing :)

Lord you have...
Taken my heart and made it into an intimate pursuer of you!
You have blessed me with discernment
You've blessed me with a greater desire for YOU than any other year before!
   But not just love you, but to love on YOU!
God, God, God!!!! My words are not solid enough to truly send thanks for everything you have done!
You have spoken word over me
You have taught me your word!
You have allowed me to see what life is without daily communion with you! And I have learned to     dislike it!
Sanctified me in many areas and still moving!

You have delivered me!!!!
God YOU have broken chains.
You taught me the true meaning of salvation--- and that specified by any particular doctrinal belief!
You have shown me the true meaning of Sanctification and GRACE!
You have purified me.... God, you have set me apart for your perfect will
You have rebuked me--- but have taught me right from wrong
You have calmed my worries
You have wiped away many tears :) God, those nights!
You have cleansed me and given me new garments
I no longer daily struggle with sexual impurity- physical, mental or emotional
You have made me into a WOMEN!

You have reconciled me with my sister!!!!
You are reconciling my family
My Uncle Kevin is out of jail
My Grandfather has Kidney cancer, but your perfect will shall break every chain
My Uncle Levonte is seeking to find you :) You will open the door!!!!!!!
My Grandparents (The Morris's)- Their daily support and prayers

-Lord, you have given me a second chance and I honor you that you would choose me to be the Best Friend of someone. Lord, I graciously thank you for the friendship you have given me in Heather Sapatka! God, earlier this year you released me from a friendship that was contrary to your perfect will... and a few months later you opened the door to a pure, holistic, faithful friendship and sisterhood! I have been blessed by her, more than I could ever reciprocate and I sit in awe every time Heather and I speak together, Pray together, worship together! I don't deserve to have a Best Friend, but I daily place what you have given us, on your altar. Whatever ministry you give to us as sisters, I accept! ~As Iron sharpens Iron, so does a friend sharpen another~ Thank you Lord for Heather Sapatka
-Lord, I thank you for Dea Artz, Katherine Bell, Hannah Coe, Bradi Baumman, Brittany Gilmore, Breanna Cameron and the remainder of those that you have allowed me to have a great friendship with! May you continuously bless them

My grades have improved
You allowed me to be mentored by Bonnie Van Winkle! Wow, what a blessing
You allowed me to partake in an intro to spiritual Journey course! It truly brought me closer to you!
You opened the door for me to speak in Chapel on Nov. 12th
Thank you Lord for our Gospel Choir and Danielle! You are teaching us how to worship!
I have received two refund checks and will be purchasing a car this next year- Your will be done
You allowed me to get Health Insurance--- And I was able to get my wisom teeth removed :)
Starting clinical(s) next semester
Applied to UH to volunteer in the summer- Your will

You allowed me to serve in Mexico summer of 2012
You are continuously impressing upon my heart medical missions

My struggles this year!
Impure thoughts
* I speak over these struggles that I had in the year of 2012 and I rebuke each and every one of them in the name of Jesus Christ! satan, you have no more control over my thoughts, my emotions and my body. I will be a living sacrifice to God! I am God's bond servant and I choose to remain pure before HIM! In Jesus Name, cleaning and deliverance.

My struggles this year!
Impure thoughts
*These will no longer be struggles that I will have, because by the power of Jesus and His Holy Ghost, I will be sanctified as God see's fit. I am new creature in Christ. The old is gone, a new has COME! I will walk in it!

God! This year has been one of lessons learned and open Grace! Every time I fell, condemned myself, stepped outside of my perceived view of your grace, you picked me up, dusted me off and reminded me that you didn't save me for anything that I have done! YOU saved us because you loved your human creation more than any other created thing!
   You desire companionship more than anything else in this world! And that is what you taught me to reciprocate this year :) Lord I repent once more for this year of 2012--- I repent that I didn't seek your face more :) I have learned to move past the failures of yesterday and accept your new mercies of this day! Your GRACE has kept me!
  I am unworthy of this gift! To be considered your child :) But you love me! You desire me more than any man would ever! More than any friendship could ever! You love every time I call out your name :)
   I will never be the same after this year! I may have highs and lows, but I will never ever ever ever forget every opportunity that you gave me to draw closer to You! You have changed my name :) I am Your Bride!!!
  May this next year be 100 times as intimate with you :) I am changed because of your Love! 


God you have placed a question in my heart... Why do I go to church?

    While sitting here listening to a sermon by Bishop Jakes, he gave some reasons why most people go to church... here was his questions along with my answers.
Some people go....
1. To find a mate: No
2. For the popularity: No
3. Pressure: Yes
4. To help their work ethic: No
...and other ones that did not pertain to me, but I have realized that I, Otisha Germany, go to church so often because I know I have to. Wow :) I don't get much out of it half the time. I don't make applicable points. I go, I give my offering and pay my tithes and fellowship but then I go back home and don't make changes to my own lifestyle. Not that every sermon is going to pertain to me, but I should be able to use something from the message.

    Lord, I am aware of what you have asked me to do. What you have asked all your children to do... To not forsake the assembling with the saints, but I ask that you would change my heart and attitude from being that of have to, to want to!

What can I do to get more out of it?
1. Take a writing utensil and paper to make notes
2. Try to come out with applicable points

Thank you Jesus!

3 Things...

There are 3 things that I am asking of you Lord!
1) The discernment to know every moment that your Holy Spirit arrives.
2) The desire to make even the little things that I hear in church or read from your word applicable to my life.
3) A prayer life that's not ritualistic but personal with you.


    After being in the store to shop for a pair of thermals for myself and mom, I was stopped by a ma'am who said "Excuse me, do you know of a church close by that talks to people about suicide? Because I just can't take it anymore. I am ready to say goodbye to it all..."

     Wow :) You never really know when things will hit you as this did me. As I stumbled for my words, my mind went blank and I couldn't think of one particular church, that I was familiar with, and that would be open around this time. He kept speaking... "Or if you know someones number.." and of course my phone had died in the salon a few hours earlier. So it was just He and I standing in the snow in front of Family Dollar.

   Mario, 39, resident of Cleveland. Black male around 6.4/6.5. Cursed a lot. Looked fed up with life. Lived in an abandoned building. Didn't have food, and only had one other pair of clothing. His mother died 2 days before Christmas. She was a member at Morning Star Church. Mario used to deal and take drugs but after being released from jail this last time he figured he would try to do the right thing. Knew about God and wanted to serve Him but was having a hard time seeing God as provider when he was walking around the streets homeless. He wants to work, but every place he goes says that he needs a state ID, even the church. His problem with the church though was that, they, being we, myself, say that we are so willing to pray for people but never meet people half way. Is that what it's meant to be?

  Mario spoke on and on and on and on, even beyond the point when God had convicted me and moved me to help this man. But I listened and I teared up as He began to speak about how much he missed his mother. And I winced every time he cursed. And I laughed and agreed and shook my head and repented secretly in my inner being. I left Mario with his gift from the Lord and our church address, but I felt led to ask him to make 2 promised. 1) That he would get his state ID, now that he had a way and 2) That he would go to church. I also was able to share with him the true magnitude of God's grace and provision. When we departed I expected to see the same slummed/bent over depressed suicidal man that I'd seen when he said his first word to me... but I didn't! This time when I turned around I saw the biggest SMILE! And I mean it was big! And as he walked away he had sort of a graceful leap to his step as I could see his smile radiating the rest of the street :) This is happiness! Gratitude! Thanks be to God!
   I have come to the realization and some may disagree with me, but I believe that we, I, cannot be called a true christian if I am not reaching out to the needy with everything that I have :) Time, Finances, Spiritual Blessings! As I dug into my account I thought of how blessed I am, truly blessed! I am sitting on things that the world could truly prosper from!
   I have never been the time of evangelist that desires to just go and preach the word and leave... NO! I want to preach the word, build relationships, knit comforters, dig wells, teach basic living skills! This is how our world will turn to the Love of Christ! By showing them who He is and not just by throwing out scripture :) The whole time I listened to Mario, I was convinced that He didn't need a sermon spoken to him, but he needed something tangible! God! Your Provision is an over-abundance!

When I was hungry, without money, clothing, shelter and family, you became all those to me!~Matthew 25:35 (Paraphrased)

The Patience of the Lord...

... brings SALVATION~ 2 Peter 3:15 !!! Wow :) If I wasn't saved and fully in love with the Lord, at the sound of this verse I would have fallen prostrate on my face and surrendered my life! But because I am saved, by the grace of God, I consider this a true 'Shouting' moment! God is so good!

Wow :) I don't know anyone who is patient beyond rejection, beatings and killings with the desire to still save :) It truly is a magnificent gift to have this salvation, which is the greatest gift of all!

      Haaaa.... I have returned from my fathers house after 5 days and it was so good to just be alone! Before the Lord, in His presence and just repent, and adore and cry and love on my father! I just love sitting before Him and truly thinking of the pure grace that God has given to us all.... but on a more personal note, the saving grace that He continuously sheds upon me! When sin increases, Grace too increases :) I am so happy we are not here, left alone to fend for ourselves :)

      As I write this, I am listening to the song "Safe in His Arms" :) It gets me every time  I think of a father, gripping their child as they leave for a business trip or for an extended period of time.... O the type of hug that would make outsiders think they were splitting for good!!!!!! That's how I envision myself with the Lord! I don't have a reason not to love he Lord :) He has been so good to me! And for all who ask, I will surely say... God's grace has kept me and will keep me  :) For now and always!

I love you Jesus!
Always yours,

Like a Flood!

Wow!!!!! I am home :) Where do I begin!

    My ride home with my Best Friend was amazing as usual! We got to really talk and laugh and sigh and... well.... and love life together! God has blessed us favorably!
    Then after leaving her, I immediately switched cars and headed to Berea Children's Home for their annual Christmas party! It was a blast :) Got to see tons of people who i have absolutely missed! Met some new people :) Held a beautiful baby! Laughed, ate and made some crafts!
   Then the enemy came in like a flood. I thank the Lord for His perfect grace in delivering me from my old man/lifestyle, because if He had not, I wouldn't been able to sit here and type this up... I probably would have been crying in self-pity! But we serve an awesome God.
   But what I realized is that after satan began to condemn me regarding a thought that I'd had, was that  so often in new settings or different ones, he begins to do things that so often throw me off. I titled this post Like A Flood, because for a split second I allowed the enemy to make me think I was not delivered but I felt very much so God saying "Speak truth and know what I have done for YOU!"
   Tish, you are no longer a slave to sin. The old man is gone and a new has come. Therefore there is no condemnation to those who walk not after the flesh but after the spirit. If we repent God is faithful and just to forgive us and to cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness. We do not serve a God who is not able to sympathize with us for He went through all of these temptations, but was without sin. An initial thought is not a sin, it's what you do with it! But in saying all of that, ALWAYS KEEP YOUR GUARDS UP!
  I have given it to you LORD! I release it and in the NAME OF JESUS, I will not be moved, shaken, deceived by the tactics of the enemy! I will fight this! Thank you Father :)


Devotional Prayer

Dear Lord,
At this moment I feel... Like I'm just here taking up space. I had an amazing quiet time with you today. You taught me how to pray for people and not try to change them. You taught me what it looks like to just be attentive during this advent season :) I love you so much and I love the yearning that my heart feels when it needs to hear from you. To commune with you!
This morning you took me to Ezekiel 36:26 and it said that you would give us a new heart. That you would remove the heart of stone and give us a heart of flesh. One that is living, viable and able to hear your voice! I'm constantly reminded of that as I sit here and rejoice that with this new heart you have given me, you are teaching me to constantly long for more. Please show me how to be active in this pursuit!
Tomorrow is my last day of classes, ending with my nursing final! On one hand I can't believe it's here and on another I can! Lord, one thing I look forward to is having the time during break to look over all of my entries that I have posted throughout this semester! You have done so much!!!! I never want to forget :)
My prayer for this Christmas break, is that while I am at home away from school that I would be diligent and intentional about pressing into your presence :) I want to know you and the fullness of your love and grace!!!!
God I love you so much. You are my everything and no one can ever take your place!!!!! Please help me portray that Ruth with my actions! You are my redeemer! My bright and morning star, my very present help... In you will I trust :)

Rash Decisions...

I have learned this....
That I fear sinning against God so much that I make impulsive decisions without asking Him first.
Things such as:
•21 Day tv fasts
•Throwing away my MP3 player
• writing all on my clothing and etc.

Lord, thinking of this now is showing me that as soon as I surrendered to you on Oct. 30th 2006, I'd begun to live a life like this.... Forgive me father and help me live under grace, with a listening ear that is attentive to your desired and not my own!

The Bible speaks....

...countless times of abstaining from anything that sets itself up against the knowledge of Christ. God says to abstain from anything that could ever cause temptation because it is not from Him.

     Lord I have failed :( And while I have repented and been forgiven, I do need to speak out loud regarding an area that I need your daily grace in. Tonight, after Law and Order:SUV went off, I decided to watch a show called Chicago Fire. I'd watched it once before and thought it was pretty good, so decided to leave it on! During one of the scenes there was some hidden messages that I began to figure out pretty quick. There were 2 lesbians. Did this make me uncomfortable? I didn't think much about it until my best friend asked me what was going on... and even while explaining it to her it felt a bit weird.
    But I continued to watch and about 10 minutes before the show was off, my accountability friend turned to me and said "Tish, should we be watching this?". I believe I sort of understood the message she was sending, but the other half of me thought it was because she couldn't focus on her homework. She told me to sit down and asked me how i'd done on my 21 day fast of watching anything that had sex or even sexual innuendos in it... and needless to say, I was caught without words.
   Somehow I had strayed away from the Purity passion and had allowed little things to creep in and maybe that's where the dreams have been coming from?
  Lord, please forgive me, for I have compromised and fallen short of your glory. I choose this day to become intentional in my walk with you. Before you. In you! I need your strength Lord, because I am noticing how easy it is to fall back into the complacent state of entertainment! Guard my eyes and Ears!

I love you with ALL of my heart and the sin that comes from compromise is not worth it!

21 Days of Regulated Television

The 4 Sons of Leah...

Bishop T.D. Jakes has a sermon called 'Commitment'... absolutely phenomenal! I didn't get to finish it because I was so take aback by his first 5 minutes of preaching it! I am going to try my best to re-share the blessing!

Leah, Jacobs first wife whom He did not love, desperately wanted Him to notice her. To love her as much as He loved Rachael, her sister. The background is this: Jacob fell in love with Rachael the moment He saw her... Promised to work/labour 7 years for her hand in marriage but at the 7 year mark, He was tricked and given Leah. He finally did receive His gift of Rachael, but at the price of another 7 years and 2 wives later.

Bishop stated it this way, because God saw the favor of Rachael and the dislike or hatred of Leah, He allowed Leah to come from her Barren physical state and opened her womb.

Genesis 29
Child 1: Rueben- "It is because the Lord has seen my misery. Surely my husband will love me now
Child 2: Simeon- "Maybe my husband will care now..." (Paraphrased)
Child 3: Levi- "Maybe my husband will attach to me now that I have given him 3 sons."
Child 4: Judah- "This time I will praise the Lord"

 Why I find this passage to be of much value? I see myself in Leah... I come from a very long line of trying to get attention..

Attention Grabber #1- Manipulation
Attention Grabber #2- Sex
Attention Grabber #3- Control
Attention Grabber #4- Artificial suicide attempt
Attention Grabber #5- Lies

      And the list goes on and on and on! Did many of those attention grabbers stop after I entered into a relationship with Christ, NO? The sex yes, the suicidal attempts yes.. but the things that went deeper than the surface, the things that weren't caught by the naked eyed, they still have to be brought under subjection of the Holy Spirit.
      Paul says it so great in Galatians... If I were still trying to please man, I would be displeasing God! I would be living a life against Him rather than for Him! They would be my God... Wow! I know exactly how Leah felt...
     But O the joy that quenches my soul every moment the Lord says to me "Come, lay upon my bosom. Rest in me......... I will fill you and you will want nothing more!" No one else can give me that satisfaction! No best friend, no significant other, husband, family..... Nothing! So it took the 4th child for me to also Praise the Lord!

Mercy Said No...

This has absolutely become my favorite song! In my sin, when I surely could have died, Life and death stood face to face, and darkness tried to steal my fate... But God! God defeated death and gave me life in Him! His MERCY saved me :) The greatest gift!


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