I'm just human?

I think even in the quietest times. When you don't feel anything. When the wind is all that you can see, hear and taste... when you just feel here, there, but not really anywhere. I think in those times, you really realize how Great the Lord is. You don't have to have this super big revelation or even a big crying fest... it's just that momentary realization that you are just human.
I am just sitting here, writing down all the things that i have to do this weekend, when suddenly i become unaware of the words that i write on my little card. And i become enveloped in just the stillness of God. Just his beauty, and unfailing strength to take over the world. How it all seems so freeing when unconsciously we give over our lives... In the quiet stillness of his grace.
Do you realize that the Lord, is always talking to us... it just takes us to STOP, and listen.
I am not passionate about many things... OK, i take that back. I am. But i have just been struggling with my passion for the Lord. There is no doubt in my mind that i Love the Lord with my everything, because my heart desires to be in tune with his, but sometimes, the repetitive things get in the way of our relationship with him. The waking up and going to the same classes, talking to the same people, praying for the same people, being the same person... sometimes it just grows tiring.

"Do not grow weary of doing GOOD" Galatians 6:9

"Lord, i just continue to just thank you and praise you... because you know my heart. Lord i long for your passion, desire, heart. Lord you mean more to me than all the things this world can offer. And Lord, i know that when i meet you, all of the repetitive things, will come to pass. Lord, i just pray that the people that i encounter here, would be impacted. Lord that they would see you, your light, your heart, hear your voice through me. Jesus, search my heart and show me the things that are not of you, so that i may strive to change. That i may strive to be just like you! My love, my father, my best friend!

Someone out there has to know what it feels like to be....

Someone has to know what it feels like to be fat! To look in the mirror and not see what God see's. To want to perform liposuction on yourself, or to even go to Mexico and have it done.... It's hard.

I went away and lost 62 pounds and now i am slowly but surely gaining it back. Starving and killing myself, refusing to let it win. I try everyday to try and give it to the Lord, but the very next second, i feel disgusted. When i go to put a pair of jeans on that fit perfectly one day, and now they don't fit so well, i want to cry...
In the mind of a secret obeise person, you can't tell them their beautiful or that one or 2 lbs won't hurt. It affects them like a virus can affect the whole community

Lord, please i am hurting and i need you Lord. You have won so many of these battles and i just ask that you would take this away from me and never allow it to come back. Lord, i know you can and you will. I give it over because your a big God. Bigger than any of my problems. Lord, i love you more than my weight and temporary suffering, and if it came to being fat and loving you, Lord i would rather be fat... Jesus

Satan, you are a liar... and i do not need to be encouraged by others to know that i am loved by Jesus.. That i am his beauty, whether fat or skinny. Jesus loves me all the same. And he will send me someone who loves me for me! As he does...

I feel the victory has been won already.... i truly do! Thankyou God


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