And It Happened for a Reason...

Good morning beloved Father!!!

Here I am to worship YOU! Thank you God for your Love, your truth your mercy and your timing! My heart is blessed to know that you love me so much to keep you. That you move the heavens and earth to love me. And that you are my Rock and Revelation giver. I love you!

So as you already know, I didn't pass my NCLEX test. So where does that put me? In the heartbeat of trust! Trusting you. The very first few moments of seeing that Big Red Closed sign really caused my heart pain. Felt like a slap in the face. But then even your love cause so many people that I love and cherish to circle around me and encourage me with your love! So I thank you and it was for that very reason that I was able to accept what you shared with me yesterday.

As I was driving home from dropping Nay off in Canton after mom's graduation you put me into a mind of hearing your voice- and you said this "Did you take time to praise me for your graduation before you tried to jump into the next big blessing of licensure?"... Boom. And in that moment Lord I knew that i'd missed the mark. As any other nursing graduate who wanted to be license, as soon as graduation was over I was already preparing to take the NCLEX. I studied day after day, tirelessly. To the point where I would get headaches and upset stomachs. I threw myself into mental bondage for the sake of a test that was always in your hands.

Now father I understand a bit clearer. Please forgive me. But now.... being on the other side, I want to thank you with All that I have within me!!!! We graduated from nursing school :) O what a joy to know that you were with me ALL the way! Thank you for those that have supported me this entire way- which reminds me, I have to get cards out!

I love you Lord, and I appreciated every wonderful and pleasant gift! My life is yours and I am enthralled by your grace! Thank you for loving me... I need you more than anything to lead and guide me as you always have and always will. But I want you to know, my father, my very best friend, that I praise you as a new graduate nurse! 7 years completed! No longer will I say 'Moving on to the next thing', rather now I shall say 'Taking a praise break'! Thanks dad :)

You delight in showing mercy!

A blank page that the master novelist chose to produce a script. A canvas before the eyes of the masters of All beauty. The very regulator of the anatomical space. The collection of cellular structures, put together for one purpose.... and that alone is and has always been to radiate the artist and not the artwork.

14 days past graduation and her I am. Truth---- tired! NCLEX 3 days away, having studied to the point of feeling sick. All while making sure to put God first, and to be present with my grandmother. To the point of tears, my body during this in between stage feels... drained.

But.... I'm almost done! I know that God is about to turn everything around. Lord please help me to not rush any moment, but to rather enjoy even these moments! But i'm ready to unpack... not physical things like suitcases or boxes... but i'm ready to unpack these last 7 years. It's been such a journey. Thank you Lord so much for being with me every step of the way--- I couldn't and wouldn't have done it without you and I know that this truth remains with the NCLEX. I'm not the brightest light bulb, but with the little light I have I want to use it to glorify you!

As I texted with Stacey this morning, I was just so gracefully reminded that you Lord, put all of this together :) I have a peace that I will pass my NCLEX test... and when I do Lord please give me humility to lift all the praise back up to you! I'm on your timing Lord! I know the same way you allowed me to graduate you will work out every detail including NCLEX, my cruise with heather, Camp this summer, being a blessing to my gram, finding an apartment, and all of the other future events! You were my God yesterday, you are my God today, and I'm going to make sure that stays the same for the rest of eternity! I'm not going to let go because i'm devoted to you! And I trust that you won't let go.... even if I do sin or fall away! You will bring me back :) But.... I'd rather not have any earthly thing (Marriage, job, friendship and etc) if it means that I won't be 100% in love with you!

You are my life! Thank you for saving and keeping me! Thank you for showing mercy! Now..... time to breathe and study! We've got an NCLEX to pass!

The Holding Place

This moment.... between two very distinct 'Big Milestones'. Having graduated on April 30th, Thank you Jesus, and now waiting to receive my ATT number to take my NCLEX, I'm feeling a bit... unmotivated to get back into the books!

So, Lord would you please help me. Also I ask that you would please help me not to get an attitude when gram tells me that I should be studying. Between you and I, there are times when it's harder to be home because I'm drawn between wanting to spend time with gram, and knowing that there is this pull to keep doing what I feel as though I graduated from.

So I am in this holding place. Wanting to move even closer to you Lord. Wanting to experience the freedom of worship separated from academia.

Help me to love and cherish, to serve and bless. Please help me to see All people the way that you do! I love you Jesus with All of me!

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