I Sin Too!

You know what the best thing is about being in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ is?
That the Lord is Gracious, Slow to anger, rich in love and that he is good to all. That even when i sin, as i do so often, he receives me back...
It's like a broken record so many times in my life, where i mess up and have to turn around and ask for his forgiveness that cleanses. I just actually allowed my sinful flesh to take over and speak louder than the spirit, and i gave in. Just that fast, i gave into momentary pleasures. What do i do?
I have to realize that i am not perfect. That i am a woman who struggles with many things, but i am also a woman who delights and is striving to live for God.
While talking about this, the story that i am reminded of is Mary Magdalene, before she was stoned, the Lord came and said "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7. How amazing is that? The only man who can truly stone me is Jesus and his love knows nothing but forgiveness....
It's so hard though. That our righteousness is nothing but a filthy rag!
Tonight the Lord has revealed to me that i am not above ever sinning, that it is going to happen, but when it does, that i should run to him and fall at his feet!
Lord, how many times i do this! I might as well live there! HAHAHHA, that's what he wants. He wants us to want him, to serve him above everything else. To kneel to him! Lord please forgive me!

Hahahahha, while sitting here, i just keep thinking the thoughts that Satan seduced me with and how he leaves you in the end with guilt. How, unlike our father, he doesn't stick around for the heartache! Wow, thank you Lord for showing me that!

Lord, i just come to you right now and i thank you for your forgiveness lord. And i just offer my body, my spirit, my heart my everything to you again once more. Lord, i come and ask you to break me from pride and selfishness and my sinful nature. Lord you are good to all, as your word says. I believe this to be true, not because i have read it but because i have experienced it!

Revelation!

I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, Christ died for nothing!"( Galatians 2:21)

Wow, i was just sitting here, listening to the word and jotting down verses in my journal and this verse came up. How much weight does this really carry... If Grace or righteousness could be gained through the law, then Christ died for nothing!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW.... Christ redeemed us by the curse of the law by becoming a curse( Galatians 3:13) then it follows to say that "cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree". WOW! Amen

Jesus i just thank you for showing me these small detailed aspects of your love for me Jesus. You became a curse for us that we would no longer live under that weight. Thank you Jesus!

Exodus 33:18

This morning i sat to listen to a Joyce Meyer podcast and i was totally hit, when she qouted Exodus 33:18 "Lord if i have found favor in your eyes, i pray that you would show me your ways"... Wow, it's so funny how we forget to pray that simple prayer. Instead i find myself praying for me, myself, my husband, a new car, and everything else. Lord, just show me your will that i may follow it

I'm just human?

I think even in the quietest times. When you don't feel anything. When the wind is all that you can see, hear and taste... when you just feel here, there, but not really anywhere. I think in those times, you really realize how Great the Lord is. You don't have to have this super big revelation or even a big crying fest... it's just that momentary realization that you are just human.
I am just sitting here, writing down all the things that i have to do this weekend, when suddenly i become unaware of the words that i write on my little card. And i become enveloped in just the stillness of God. Just his beauty, and unfailing strength to take over the world. How it all seems so freeing when unconsciously we give over our lives... In the quiet stillness of his grace.
Do you realize that the Lord, is always talking to us... it just takes us to STOP, and listen.
I am not passionate about many things... OK, i take that back. I am. But i have just been struggling with my passion for the Lord. There is no doubt in my mind that i Love the Lord with my everything, because my heart desires to be in tune with his, but sometimes, the repetitive things get in the way of our relationship with him. The waking up and going to the same classes, talking to the same people, praying for the same people, being the same person... sometimes it just grows tiring.

"Do not grow weary of doing GOOD" Galatians 6:9

"Lord, i just continue to just thank you and praise you... because you know my heart. Lord i long for your passion, desire, heart. Lord you mean more to me than all the things this world can offer. And Lord, i know that when i meet you, all of the repetitive things, will come to pass. Lord, i just pray that the people that i encounter here, would be impacted. Lord that they would see you, your light, your heart, hear your voice through me. Jesus, search my heart and show me the things that are not of you, so that i may strive to change. That i may strive to be just like you! My love, my father, my best friend!

Someone out there has to know what it feels like to be....

Someone has to know what it feels like to be fat! To look in the mirror and not see what God see's. To want to perform liposuction on yourself, or to even go to Mexico and have it done.... It's hard.

I went away and lost 62 pounds and now i am slowly but surely gaining it back. Starving and killing myself, refusing to let it win. I try everyday to try and give it to the Lord, but the very next second, i feel disgusted. When i go to put a pair of jeans on that fit perfectly one day, and now they don't fit so well, i want to cry...

In the mind of a secret obeise person, you can't tell them their beautiful or that one or 2 lbs won't hurt. It affects them like a virus can affect the whole community

Lord, please i am hurting and i need you Lord. You have won so many of these battles and i just ask that you would take this away from me and never allow it to come back. Lord, i know you can and you will. I give it over because your a big God. Bigger than any of my problems. Lord, i love you more than my weight and temporary suffering, and if it came to being fat and loving you, Lord i would rather be fat... Jesus

Satan, you are a liar... and i do not need to be encouraged by others to know that i am loved by Jesus.. That i am his beauty, whether fat or skinny. Jesus loves me all the same. And he will send me someone who loves me for me! As he does...

I feel the victory has been won already.... i truly do! Thankyou God

Worship Means Everything!

When i was at the Honor Academy, during worship or fasting or prayer on wed., the worship band would sing a song titled "To worship you i Live(Away)", you should listen to it someday.

That sentence plays alot in why i'm writing this though... This past week, has been dry and hard for me. I would go into my prayer time, empty. I would ask the Lord to fill me, but then i would dry up. I went to church and after it was over, i felt worse than when i went in. Friends, i know many of you know that feeling, the one you can't shake off. But the thing that most of us are good at, is keeping on a good face, image ya know. But one thing i also know is that, when you find yourself in these times, don't give up. You must fight for your relationship with the Lord, because emotions will be decieving and the devil will surely tell you that you are not worthy of love, but i know the Lord says different all throughout his word!

So this morning, as i went into my quiet time, i turned on Israel & New Breed, i know many of you are familiar with them. My old roomate actually introduced me to them, and i have loved them every since. But anyhow, i layed on my couch, as if i were in a conseling session and i just listened.... Because we don't do enough of that... I listened, listened listened and listened. Then i heard the Lord say Ezekiel 16? I thought to myself, wow, this was the book i was looking for about two months ago, when i was describing to someone the story of Hosea, and how we leave God so many times, and don't truly go back for his love, his jewels, his garments.

So i read and read and read and i stopped at Ezekiel 16:14 "Because the splendor i had given you made your beauty perfect, declares the soverign Lord". It says in Psalms 139:14- 'I praise you because i am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, i know that full well.' And it just keeps going on.Even after that in verse 15 it says "My frame was not hidden from you when i was made in the depths of the secret place, when i was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body...."

So when it comes to our heavenly father, the man who created us from nothing, who ordained our steps in the book of life before we even came to be(Psalm 139:16), nothing else matters. Not this world, the people, school, money, friendships(even though they are great to have), but nothing comes before our worship to our father.
There are two reasons why we praise our heavenly father with more than our mouths:
1. Because he is the man who came down to die on a cross for us so that all of our sins may be washed away. So that we could live a life without condemnation and so that we may have a chance to spend eternity with our creator... He loved us so much that he took the beatings of this world and traded it for beauty (John 15:13 'No greater love than he who lays down his life for his friend)
2.We praise God because he has given us everything. Life, Love and a hope. He has given us a harvest in which everyday he manifest his promises. He has given us all a second chance, and for that reason, i praise him. Because i realize, that once i was that Babe who was thrown out and was given everything, but then turned into a Harlot, i know where i was taken from, and once we realize that, it's so much easier to realize how powerful he is and just how much he loves us, for who we are!
And so, today, this morning at 7:00 am, the Lord has brought me back to the place of true worship, entering his gates with thanksgiving and praise and a humble and contrite heart. It's true love that always wins us back, everytime and once your back, it's like a new found life.

Ephesians 3:16-19"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with the power through his spirit in his inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And i pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the saints to grasp how wide, long, high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses all knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God"- Amen

Intamacy With God

Now with the Christmas season coming up, i have found myself... How would i say it? Preoccupied with other things. Christmas shopping, end of the year flu shots, family time, catching up with old friends and etc. But i have not really had much time to sit and have my one on one time with the Lord. And he hasn't failed to remind me. There are times when i lay my head down, when i have the sudden thought to go and get my bible or pray, little things like that... The voice of God. But i have been doing the thing that seems least work oriented.
Basically in a nut shell, i have been slipping and the Lord has stopped me once again. And its not that anything horrible has happened because everything great has been happening, esp. getting my first college report card. But because The Father, Son and Holy Spirit are an intimate entity, he has shown me where my heart was lying, in the world.
So, to move on, tonight i listened to an IHOP podcast titled "Intimacy with God". I just listened and listened and was very taken aback by many things, but the one thing that really made me sit in awe was a part that said "God desires to be intimate with us. That is why, when he made the heavens and the earth and the Land and the sea he made man, for fellowship. While man walked in the Garden of Eden, God came down and walked with him." From the one sentence, the Lord has shown me that he is not this guy in heaven who just loves me, but he is a man who desires to see me, speak to me, look at me. That God makes himself vulnerable with us humans because he wants to show us how he loves. Something else that was mentioned is that the whole story of the bible is "Pursuit of Man".
And so tonight my eyes have been truly opened to seeking one thing. And that doesn't mean to not hang out with my friends or family, but that means everything that i do, do it for the Lord. Also, to ask the Lord to fill me, so that i may seek him... Because, i as well as all of us, are a group of weak people and sometimes Quiet times will get boring and they won't always be the same... But there always great
Something i have to keep praying for is just wisdom and revelation in knowing God more, but man it's all going to be worth it! God is good, he truly is