Selfishness and Greed.

I'm back!!!!!!!!!

It's been a few days...

I just had my quiet time and it was great. But sometimes i feel like, with my own quiet times, that what i do is really repetitive and list like. I listen to a song, read the word and have my structured prayer. The Lord always shows me something, and i think this is what it may be. First thing is:

That i am just going through the motions. For instance, i know i have to have a quiet time everyday, but i choose to do it at the end of the day... What if i switched it up. Did it as soon as i rolled over. See in my mind, it just says, 'Lord, i will get to you soon', when really it should be Lord, make i need you now! There are just so many convictions that i am going through right now and i need to change.

Jesus Christ, God, is my all. My everything, but i need to learn how to treat him like that. As if he were sitting next to me. When i went back to TX to see Claudia, My old roomie, graduate, i went to the Gazeebo, a place where i usually had my quiet times, and i just sat. I pulled my computer out and began listening to some worship music.... From there after worshipping i felt the Lord tell me to go on a walk with him and now looking back on it, when i attended the HA, he would always tell me to go on a walk with him.

So i strapped down my iPod, turned on the IHOP prayer room and i just prayed, i cried, i worshipped, i loved. In that moment i felt the Lord love me more than ever.

Now i feel sort of dead... No, i just feel like a "going through the motions" person.... With the Lord, everything should be new. Especially coming out of a quiet time.

Lord please forgive me... I have been taking everything about you for granted. I have forgotten to love you some days, i have forgotten to even acknowledge you others

Second thing is:

A while back i adopted a Child from Ethiopia, named, Kelbessa Gardissa. I have failed in taking care of God's Children, because i have not sent this child any support yet. I keep putting things in front of him, my own personal things, which is horrible...

Kelbessa i'm sorry. I was suppose to support you. Help you recieve an education and food, i have failed. I pray that you will show me grace. I have been very selfish and greedy. And that is what the Lord needed to show me

HAAAAAA, now that's out.

Lord, i thank you for speaking to me and giving me a heart that discerns it Lord. I thankyou for your grace to die on a cross for me even while i was still a sinner. Lord, i pray against my sinful nature and my greed, and i just pray that you would fill me Lord till i spill over. Lord i hunger and thirst for you, not this world, or the money you give me... I have fallen and i repent for allowing this money that i have been receiving to block my true image of you. Lord i love you and thankyou for giving me all of you and not just part.