Well Lord... What do you think!

Lord....
It appears that Wooster is giving me 3 different options to pay off the loan, which I've pasted below....

1.       Pay off the money over 24 months by sending checks in monthly.

2.       You can consider taking a position at WCH now (a position other than RN) and have the money taken out of your pay check. We would like to help you find employment here until you obtain your RN license. (go to the hospital website and look under the employment tab. We can also check the internal postings to see where we could fit you in too)

3.       Pay money monthly til you obtain your license then take an RN job here at WCH and work off the remaining amount you owe as a scholarship. (once you start working as RN you will stop sending money and what you still owe is your scholarship)

4.       Combine option 2 and 3….

 

Father, option 2 sounds incredible.... but I'm nervous to move too fast. What do you think? What is your will? What door have you opened? I sense that fear has stepped in because I want to be cautious and not walk outside of your will--- I want to heart your voice. But I also feel as if this could be from you because they already told me 'no' once before about being an aid. Then there is pride that steps in... but I am humbled. Savior, Luke 12:31- Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added.

I'm doing the best that I can... I'm seeking you! If it's your desire, I do pray that the pay would be right for traveling back and forth, then I also ask for a supernatural peace! I love you so much Lord and I trust you! 

I'm not a nurse

3 disappointments Lord. I'm done with this test and I'm done with nursing. I'd rather you just had declined my desires 7 years ago. I love you but I don't love the situation.... I'm moving on with my life. Only you can perform the miracle because truly I'm done trying.

Not forsaken!

Truly I miss this place so much. I'm in Mount Vernon for the weekend to watch the kids.... But honestly it's hurting more than ever. As I walked through Walmart and saw familiar faces my heart broke for 2 reasons.
1. I spent the last 5 years here... Growing, healing, mending , being stretched and broken. Many of my most challenging days were here and some of my most rewarding experiences were here. Mount Vernon has become my second home and to not be here again, coming back for another semester does hurt.
2. Being here reminds me that I'm not where I want to be. And selfishly father I'm hurt by this reality. I'm not a nurse. I have no job. I don't feel like I'm moving forward. I'm just here, a season that I don't want to be in.... But I'm here.

And I'm yours! So please take these broken pieces and with your own hands design a masterpiece! I love you and my heart with heaviness is clinging to yours!

What an Incredible day!

I've really struggled in these past few weeks to see you Lord passionately. To be zealous about the things that move your heart! I've become complacent.... doing the least when all along you've been 'warming, burning, my heart' to remain excited! But I was on the verge of losing my deep joy for you, until today!

I was able to go and visit a church with gram called Abundant Life Church of God! We've heard plenty of amazing things about the church but what helps them to stand out is their youth. Today, as we entered into the church we were instantly welcomed with hugs and handshakes! And while that was great what has captivated me every sense was the worship! God we got to worship you in a way that I've longed for. Not that it blessed me, because it did, but I was able to lay before you all of my brokenness and my pain and celebrate you as the redeemer of it all! It was so Freeing :) And while I don't know if gram enjoyed it as much because it was different than what she is use to--- I can't help but thank you Lord for being apart of a service, majority youth, where you were center! Brick upon brick, stone upon stone!

And to top the message, the word that you presented through Justin was phenomenol! Romans 12- Never lose our zeal for the Lord and what He is doing! He shared about Phineas in Numbers 23 being said of having the same zeal as God for God's people! Justin reminded us that zeal what is done in our private times with the Lord and will always be blessed outwardly! Incredible reminder to fight never to lose this zeal that you have given me Lord!

If its your will Lord I would really love to go to bible study on tuesday! I have always been a spiritual leader in my relationships around me and I thank you Lord becuase it's all by your guidance but I will be so excited to grow closer to you with a group of men and women my age! My heart has been revived Lord, I was created for community, and it appears Lord that you have opened the door for it to be so! Jesus I'm excited once more!

You have turned my mourning into dancing! What an incredible day!

Defeat

2 attempts. 2 fails. Lord, I can't see you in this. Forgive me for being blind, but I'm not really sure how to keep stepping

Dry Spell

As I am waiting on you Lord I must confess that this season is seeming a bit dry. In my crying to be settled somewhere, anywhere, for good I find my heart lonely.

But I know father that I won't be here forever. So as I wait to pass this nursing test father I ask for a renewed and rejuvenated spirit. I look at you God and see what I want to be... You look at me and see who I am!

Though you have caused me to praise you for the future... if you don't mind me saying God--- I'm so ready for a season change! But even so, please prepare me daily NOW to be content in all seasons for it is your will!

I love you!

When you look back!

For some reason I feel like I'm suppose to be writing this!

At this very moment I am very discontent in this in between state. God has been Soooooo good to me in every single way. Having found me an apartment and a job even before providing my licensure, yet my heart still gets low with the unknown.

But this is what I choose to say to the future me!

Put your trust in Jesus! Not in circumstances. God wants you to be His nurse more than you do, but He also wants to teach you how to still love on Him as you wait! Wait I say, be still and know that the God that you serve is the one true God!

Next time you read this you may very well be a nurse already at Wooster Community Hospital. Take a moment to praise God for the journey!!! It was worth it... Right!!!!

God loves you and knows that your full hearts devotion is to glorify Him! Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and All these things will be added unto you! Keep trusting!